Moments in Time
by fuckmeharkness
Summary: River/11. Angsty, sad, eventual romance. T for future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

A/n: This is going to be a little drabble series of River/Doctor moments. I'm starting from River's beginning and following her timeline instead of the Doctors. I will eventually write Who episodes from her point of view :D Enjoy!

Moments in Time

"Who're you?" Some strange man just walked up to her and kissed her hand! And he was wearing a bow tie! Who wore bow ties anymore? He'd kissed her, said hello like it was a normal thing, and then smiled expectantly at her. Was this some weird pick up technique?

His face seemed to fall a bit when she asked. "I'm the Doctor." He said it like she should already know! Besides, what? That's _not_ a name. Who the hell does he think he is? She'd seen _plenty_ of doctors.

"_The _Doctor? That's a bit egotistical don't you think?"

Now he looked annoyed. "No! It's just my name!"

"You look egotistical too. I mean a bowtie? Really?"

He straightened, seemingly subconsciously, as he replied. "Bowties are cool!"

"Whatever you say the Doctor," she answered with a smirk.

"River!"

Her insides turned to ice. "How do you know my name?" It was all very well, flirting with a man you've just met. But now it was getting scary. He knew her name? "How?"

He looked down. "Err. You told me."

"No I didn't! How do you know my name?"

He shuffled his feet, still not meeting her eye. "I've kind of, met you before."

"What? No, we haven't met! I would've remembered _you_." The Doctor chose to take that as a compliment.

"Well, when I say before, I mean my before. Not your before."

"That didn't make any sense."

"I usually don't." Now he was smirking again. What was with this man! First he calls himself the Doctor, now he knows her? This is insane!

"Give me a straight answer. Just once."

There was a pause. Then, with a very haughty tone, he said, "I need a question River."

"There you go again! How do you know my name?"

"I told you! I've met you before!"

She hadn't gotten any more out of him, for at that moment he swerved wildly to the left, just in time to miss a laser blast from over River's shoulder. She'd swirled around, watching as a strange creature had taken aim at her. But suddenly she was on the ground, and the monster's second shot was passing over her head. She looked down to see a pair of arms covered in a beige tweed jacket wrapped around her. For some reason, it wasn't uncomfortable.

But as ironic as it was, as soon as she became conscious of the fact that is was comfortable, it became incredibly uncomfortable. For an instant, their eyes met, and the whole world froze. All that mattered were those great big green eyes that stared into hers. She could see the whole universe in them. The universe and beyond.

And then she was out of his arms and he was pointing a screwdriver at an alien and that was how River Song met the Doctor. She didn't get a straight answer about how he'd known her name until she met him again, three weeks later, and he explained that he hadn't met her for the first time yet. Well, her first time. It was all very complicated.

But what really shocked her, what really got her hooked, were the things he'd said that very first day. He'd convinced the alien to return home then ran off to a police box of all places! It had been sitting in the middle of the street, completely messing with traffic, and he just ran into it. Like every good girl who wants to know about a strange man who knows her name and has a box would do, she followed him.

And she found more than she'd bargained for. She found not a police box, but a universe. She found something that was bigger on the inside. She found a police box that had a library and a wardrobe—possibly with a swimming pool in it—and a million other magical rooms that not even the Doctor knew of. She found the Tardis.

Of course, being the madman he is, the Doctor didn't notice right away that she'd run in. He'd been too busy pulling levers and shouting excitingly. She hadn't said a word, too busy spluttering about the world in a box. And so, by the time the Doctor bothered to look up from his _sexy_ and notice the small girl in her twenties that was gaping at his Tardis, they were already traveling into time and space.

He'd gotten mad then. Just a bit. Well, he'd come stomping over, raving about impressionable girls going where they don't belong. And then River got a bit angry, considering this guy had just gotten way pissed for no reason. So she raised a perfectly tweezed eyebrow, crossed her arms, cocked a hip, and flashed an amused smile. He'd stopped then, completely thrown off.

She smiled inwardly. So this was how to get him. Do the unexpected. Always remain cool and calm, even when you aren't. She'd have to remember that.

"So sweetie, where you off to?"

He'd smiled then. He'd grinned and offered her a hand. He led her up to the Tardis. He explained all about it, the time travel, everything. And River stared around in wonder, but only when he wasn't looking. She was fascinated, and she wanted it. All her life, she'd wanted to travel. Now she'd get to.

Then they'd gone on an adventure. And then another. But then the Doctor said it was time to go back. She'd let slip that she was studying to get her degree in archaeology and he'd dropped her off. "Education is the most important thing River. It's necessary for everything."

But she'd known it was just an excuse. The Doctor gave her these looks while on their adventures. He'd comment on something, dropping names like Amy or Rory, and she'd look at him confused, and he'd give her a look as if the sky had just fallen because she didn't know those names. And when he dropped her off, and told her to get an education, he'd given her a hug.

He only gave hugs when they'd just defeated a monster or barely escaped with their lives. This was different. This felt like a goodbye.

But not one of those normal goodbyes. This felt like the last goodbye. She'd felt one before, when her mother was dying of cancer. She'd been lying in the hospital, barely able to move, and she'd asked River for a hug. Of course she'd given it, and when those tiny, frail arms had wrapped around her, she'd gotten a tingling feeling up her spine that this would be the last. Maybe it was because of that extra squeeze her mom gave her, or the tear drops she felt on her shoulder. Her mother died four hours later. River had been asleep at her bedside, holding her hand.

This hug was almost exactly like it. The hug that lasted a second too long, with an extra squeeze from him. And she might have imagined it, but she thought she felt a single tear drip onto her shoulder. She'd never know, because when he finally let her go his eyes were dry. But what scared her was that he was smiling.

He wasn't smiling a 'let's go find a new planet' or an 'I just saved an endangered species of alien' smile. He was smiling just like her mother had. That sad, deep smile that said everything but nothing.

But then he'd confused her. He said. "Don't worry, you'll see me again. And it will be magical." His voice cracked then. He cleared it quickly and continued. "I can promise that. It was-will be- magical." And then he'd given her a quick hug one more time before jumping into his Tardis and running off.

And though she knew that she'd see him again, tears sprung into her eyes for that lovely, lonely doctor. She didn't understand much, but she understood then- even without knowing anything of their jumbled timelines- that he wouldn't see her again. It was instinct perhaps, or a part of an older River that clung to the Doctor that had given her the second-long feeling, but she felt it, and she knew that he knew it was their last meeting. And she'd cried then.


	2. Chapter 2

The Diary

"Here,"

"What is it?"

"It's a diary. Your future diary."

"Oh is it? And you have already decided this have you?" She asked, taking the tiny blue book from him with a pert smile.

He flashed a silly smile, "I've seen your future," his smile drooped a little, "the stone cold future. You can't change it." Then he renewed his smile, saying, "You, River, keep a diary in my future."

"Why don't I just change that then?"

Now he looked confused. "Why would you? So you write in a diary, what's the big deal?"

"Because you told me to. I don't like playing by the rules, even yours, Doctor."

The Doctor glanced back at his police box, thinking. Then he turned back, smiling again. "I don't either. But you do, and you'll regret it if you don't."

"Oh I will? Did I tell you that, this future self who keeps a diary?"

"Yes," he answered gravely, "you told me that you never wanted to forget, so you kept it. You write in it every time we finish an adventure, so you'll always be able to keep track of me," his mouth twitched a smile, but it disappeared. He pulled something from inside his tweed jacket. He pulled out a small blue diary.

"What?" She looked down at her diary. "Is that mine from the fu-" She reached out to take it, but he held it back.

"This is mine River. I keep one, same as you. I don't want to forget either."

This time it was her turn to smile, and it was a smile of love and pity and sadness and a hundred other emotions that ran through her at that terribly sad look on his face. He didn't want to forget. Which means she wouldn't either.


	3. Chapter 3

"River, dance with me," the Doctor commanded. The young girl looked up at him questioningly.

"Why do we have to dance?" She asked haughtily, ignoring the grin that was creeping on her face as the bickering began again.

"Because there are aliens all around us," the Doctor told her solemnly and River looked around in alarm. The Doctor turned her face back to his with his hand. "And if we don't blend in we will be caught and killed. This is a party, and plenty of people are dancing. We'll blend better inside the crowd of dancers." River nodded, the blood pounding in her veins, as he led her onto the dance floor.

They twirled quietly for a few minutes. Then a smirk appeared on River's face. "You know, you're moving rather fast," she told him, the smirk still dominant on her face.

The Doctor's eyebrows pulled together in confusion. "What are you talking about? We're moving to the beat-"

"I mean this," she said, pointing at him, then at herself. He still looked confused. "This is only the second time I've gone on an adventure with you and the Tardis and we're already dancing. That's pretty fast for a second date."

"Who says it's a date?" The Doctor said, smiling now.

"You did, when you kissed my hand," she replied. When the Doctor had come to pick her up an hour earlier, he'd demanded that she dress in the fanciest dress she could find. When she was finally ready, the Doctor had looked stunned and awed by her, and when they were close together on her doorstep, he'd kissed her hand and said, "River Song, I will be the happiest man on Earth if you would be so kind as to accompany me tonight," and River had replied, "You're not a man," and wrapped her arm around his. He'd led her to the Tardis, and away they went.

The Doctor's smile grew wider. "Well then, River Song, I suppose it is. But this isn't my second adventure. I don't even know what number it is for me. So in a way, we are moving much too slow," he replied, dipping her low to the floor with his last words. When she swung back up, she patted his cheek.

"You and your vague mentioning," she scolded, tutting softly. "When are you ever going to explain this 'time stream' thing?"

The Doctor grinned. "It's more fun this way. Don't worry, you do the same thing to me."

"So which one of us did it to the other first?" River asked, raising one eyebrow smoothly.

"It's a chicken or the egg thing, I suppose," the Doctor replied, dipping her again.

"So what now?" River asked as the silence stretched.

The Doctor glanced around, then looked into her eyes. They seemed locked there for a few moments as he studied their dark depths. Then he asked, "River, do you trust me?"

She stared at him for a moment. Then, without hesitation, she replied, "Yes, though I know I shouldn't." She flashed a grim smile. She didn't like the sound of this.

"Then spin."

"What?"

"Spin, River, when I tell you to. Spin out, and then duck." The Doctor stared into her eyes. "Will you do that?"

"You mean you don't already know? You already know me remember?"

He shook his head. "I don't know the River Song on her second visit with me. The older River would do it without hesitation. But you I don't know." She smiled to herself as she spotted the flash of irritation on his features. She nodded and smiled reassuringly. He didn't seem to be reassured. She must be a naughty girl in the future.

"Now!" The Doctor shouted.

River didn't hesitate. She spun.


	4. Chapter 4

**WARNING. IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN EPISODE SEVEN, A GOOD MAN GOES TO WAR, DO NOT READ THIS FIC**

Hi Dad

She strode down a lonely, damp hallway. Wearing a lovely dress that was slightly ridiculous with an even more ridiculous hat on, River danced to the telephone that was on the side of the wall.

"Oh turn it off, I'm breaking in not out!" She drawled into the phone, grinning and dancing a little on the spot. "This is River Song, back in her cell. Oh, and I'll take breakfast at the usual time." She danced a little again. "_Thank you_," she added, before hanging up.

She danced a few more steps towards her cell. She hummed a little, completely lost in her daydreams of the day. Then she refocused on reality and saw a lone figure in the shadows dressed in armor. "Oh, are you boys dressing up as Romans now? I thought nobody read my memos," she told him wittily, determined to charm every man in sight.

Then he came out of the shadows, saying, "Doctor Song, it's Rory. Sorry, have we met yet?" He looked a bit embarrassed. "Time streams…I'm not quite sure where we are…"

"Yes," River replied a little breathlessly. _He's here. _"We've met." She walked up to him, taking in how young and strong and brave he looked in his armor. "Hello Rory," she said, not wanting to say that at all.

He looked her up and down, taking in her wistful expression and strange choice of clothes. "Whats wrong?" The concern in his voice poked at something in her heart.

"Ah…" she said, staring into his eyes and trying to come up with an excuse. _She can't lie to _him… "It's my birthday," she said quickly. It wasn't a lie, but it still wasn't the truth. "The Doctor took me ice skating on the river Thames in last of the great Frost Fairs." Her eyes lit up as she explained this, like she was a little girl telling her parents about her day. "He got Steve Wonder to sing for me under London Bridge!"

"Stevie Wonder sang in 1814?"

"Yes he did!" She said; her eyes still lit up. "But you must never tell him!" She told him with a light chuckle.

"I've come from the Doctor too," Rory began, but she interrupted him.

"Yes, but at a different point in time."

Rory nodded. "Unless there's two of them," he said, mulling over the thought.

River decided to put back on her flirty act. "No," she told him with a wry smile. "That's a _whole_ different birthday." She walked toward her cell, opening her diary to see where he must be coming from.

"He needs you!" Rory shouted, turning to her.

She looked up, knowing what must inevitably be happening by instinct. "Demons Run," she said solemnly, staring through the bars at the wall of her cell.

"How-How did you know?" Rory asked apprehensively.

She stole herself and then turned around, determined to look confident. "I'm from his future. I always know," she said, even though she really didn't. She looked him up and down. "Why on Earth are you wearing that?"

He looked down at his Roman clothes. "The Doctor's idea."

"Of course," she responded immediately with a grin. "His rules of engagement. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee-"

"Look ridiculous!" Rory responded, obviously annoyed at his clothes.

River turned around. "Have you considered heels?" She asked lightly with a smile.

"They've taken Amy," Rory said. Dread filled her. "And our baby." River looked down, feeling reliving her part of the day that had yet to come for them and hating what he and Amy and the Doctor were about to go through.

When she didn't respond, Rory continued. "The Doctor's getting some people together," he told her, striding forward. "We're going after her but he needs you too," he added softly. River looked away. _If only he knew…_

"I can't," River said in a strangled voice, refusing to look into his eyes. _If I look I'll break down. _Then, knowing that it would take just that to convince him, she turned quickly, staring straight into his eyes with her heart breaking just a little. "Not yet anyway." She stole herself for what she knew must be coming.

"I'm _sorry?_" Rory said, looking angry now.

"This is the Battle of Demon Run," River said hurriedly, trying to explain without giving anything away. "The Doctor's darkest hour." She felt tears sting her eyes as she remembered the looks on Amy's and Rory's faces, not to mention the Doctor's. "He'll rise higher than ever before and then fall so much further." She shook her head as she spoke, trying to block out the memories of their faces. "And- I can't be with him until the very end." She hoped he would let it go because he knew she'd already been there.

"Why not?" Rory demanded, determined for her to help.

She glanced at the floor momentarily before meeting his eyes again. "Cause this is it," she whispered, afraid of her voice betraying her unshed tears. She walked into her cell, hoping uselessly that having bars between them would keep his anger and her love but helplessness from clashing.

When she turned, she saw the look of utter disappointment on his face, and it broke her heart. "This is the day he finds out who I am." She spoke low, not letting any emotion betray her in her voice or on her blank face.

"Fine then," Rory said, turning away. "See you at the end then." He sounded bitter, and that cracked her heart just a bit more.

She sank into her chair, resting the diary on the desk. She didn't want to look at it. She'd just disappointed Rory so much, and she hated herself for it. Not just because he was a good friend who had helped her on countless occasions. But because he was her father.

A girl never wants to disappoint her father. Especially River Song. And here she was, disappointing him before he even knew who she was. All through that time, the little girl inside of her wanted to run into his arms, grinning like a mad woman and hug him close. She wanted him to pick her up and kiss her forehead like all dad's do and say something along the lines of, "hey sweetie how was your day? Did you miss me? Cause I sure missed you."

But Rory wouldn't say that. At least not now, when he did not realize who he was talking to. It was funny too, because when he'd asked what's wrong, he'd said it as if he was being fatherly to an old aunt or mother, trying to protect them because he loved them. But right now, he loved her in the wrong way. She wasn't his little girl. She was the Doctor's… whatever he assumed she was. Fling. Affair. She was a flirty woman who ran around the universe chasing after the Doctor and having fun with his friends along the way.

She put her head in her hands. She didn't want to hide things from him, though she knew that from now on she'd have to lie to her parents. To her dad, the best man in the world! The man who loves her, even if he doesn't know it yet. He'd love her instinctually, the way she loved the Doctor before she'd even known what she'd become with him. She was forced to lie to him for the rest of her life, unless she ever saw an older him again. And mum! She'd have to lie to her own mum about everything. How could she do that, along with lying to the Doctor? She didn't want to, no, she didn't want to. She didn't think she could.

She flipped open the diary. She turned a few pages then let the pages cascade forward until the book fell shut again. She stared at it. She had all those wonderful times with them, times she could revisit over and over again in her mind. They were all clear as day, and if she ever forgot part of it she could read it in her diary. She would never lose her parents, not even now that they don't recognize her. So when it got so hard, keeping the secret from them, she'd just remember all the good times they had together, and know that they would live on in the Doctor and her parents.

But right now, more than anything, she wanted to relive that conversation. She wanted Rory to see her, shove open her cell even though its locked –_all dad's are super heroes, hers especially- _hold her close and say, "Hi Melody, I missed you."

And she would grin into his chest and smell him _her dad has a very wonderful, beautiful smell that no one could replace _and feel him protecting her always, from anything. And more than anything else in the world, she wanted to be able to finish smelling him, look up into his wonderful, kind eyes that held so much love for her _or at least they will in his future _and say to him, "hi dad."

It was the thing she'd miss most. She missed her daddy already, even though he'd just gone.

A/n: So obviously most of it is the conversation they have outside her cell. I took their conversation and hopefully added a bit to her point of view. Conversation, all of this stuff isn't mine, obviously. :D No, I am not skipping all that time between last chapter and this. This story isn't going to be perfectly in order, because their lives totally aren't. Plus, this may have something to do with a later chapter. :D :D :D So, reviews:

Symphony in Blue: Well thank you. :D It's like a glass of lemonade isn't it ;)

Shadowcat012: Well here's a new chapter. And yeah, it's all melancholy and stuff, but I have a feeling River lived her entire life either being excited for the future- at which point the Doctor was melancholy- or melancholy herself with the Doctor was excited. But that's what makes their story so beautiful. Sorry for the excessive usage of melancholy. :D


	5. Chapter 5

Lousy Flats and Mad Men with Boxes

River dragged her feet up the steps to her apartment. She held the paper and the mail in one hand, her key in the other. She shoved the key into the door, pushing open the door with a great huff.

It had been three months. Three months since she'd seen the Doctor. One minute it was hello, we'll be brilliant and magical someday and the next it was I'll let you rot in London for a few months. River was resentful and angry and just wanted to see him again so she could punch him.

And she would too. Or slap him. She wanted to hurt him like he'd hurt her. Because leaving her alone like this, without so much as a post card or a wave from time, it hurt. The Doctor had told her stories of the days when he used to appear in television programs and other sorts of things to catch the attention of his friends for fun. Why wasn't he doing that for her? Why wasn't he at least _trying_ to get in contact.

Although who knows with the Doctor. Maybe one day he'll show up on her door step, fifty years in the future, and he'll be no older than when he'd left her fifty years ago. A mistake, he'll say. Took a wrong turn in the time rift. I'd meant to be there for your birthday. I'd meant to be there for any of your birthdays.

River collapsed in her favorite chair in her kitchen. One night, when she was drunk and lonely and upset, she'd painted it TARDIS blue and painted all sorts of things on it: a bow tie, a fez, a tweed jacket, a stetson and much more. Anything that reminded her of him. She'd taken to painting him, and she'd needed the TARDIS blue to complete her paintings. Because you couldn't have the Doctor without the TARDIS. But apparently, even though he'd said it, you didn't River to have the Doctor.

She set the paper down grudgingly, knowing that looking at the date would depress her even more, and picked up the mail. She passed over the bills and the letters from home, searching. She looked every day for a letter from the Doctor. He mentioned something about how he'd always wanted to use the mail system but never knew how or had the time. Funny that. A time traveler never did seem to have time.

She threw down the mail, frustrated. Now she had too much time. When the Doctor had left her on her parents' doorstep with nothing but a kiss on the cheek and fantastic memories, she'd thought he was going to come back. "Just a quick trip for maintenance," he'd said, with a grin and a wink. She'd walked into her parents house with a smile, thinking he'd be back with a few hours. A few days at the most.

After a month she'd moved out of her parents' house. It'd been too crowded, and they'd had too many questions about what she was doing with her life. The truth: she didn't know. She never knew. Her life had become the Doctor more or less. Now everything seemed boring and normal. She didn't want normal. She wanted to travel with the Doctor with no regard to time or money or the world in general. She wanted to feel on top of the world, and to feel on top of the world with him.

But she didn't get that. She just got disappointment. It had taken her until a week ago to go by paint for her apartment. She'd wanted to wait, claiming that she didn't have the money. She'd gotten a job at a boring Italian restaurant. She worked just enough hours to make sure when she woke up she was rushed to get to work and when she came home she was tired enough she went straight to bed without dreaming. But she could only work so much, and she did have weekends off most weeks.

Which meant taking a walk around the block, getting a coffee, and then heading back to the apartment to read the paper, go through the mail and then stare at her study's walls for the rest of the day thinking.

She'd painted her study within a few days of moving in. She'd bought the TARDIS blue with the intent on using it in her paintings- which she did a _lot_- but she had a bucket and so one night, she went crazy.

All she did was paint in that color. There was nothing else on the walls. And she only called it the study because that's what she'd vaguely planned when she'd moved in. Now, however, the only thing in the room was a comfy chair to sit in and stare at the walls.

So that is what River did. She went and she sat, trying to ignore the stinging in her eyes. She hated admitting it, and she rarely ever did, but she was still waiting. Still waiting for the Doctor to come and sweep her off her feet, and this time let her stay.

_Knock knock._ River's head swiveled around to face the direction of the front door. There was a moment's hesitation, and then she was off. She sprinted to the front door. She never got visitors, and the only person who would show up for warning would be-

"Package for you miss," the delivery man said, holding out the clipboard and pen for her. Her heart fell to her feet as she took the clipboard from him. It wasn't even the Doctor disguised as a delivery man. She could see his face clearly: he was balding, in his fifties, and not good looking at all. With a sigh she handed it back.

"So is this more paint I ordered?" River asked wearily, looking at the package by his feet.

"No miss," he said, holding it out to her. It was small. Why would it be small? That didn't make sense. "Someone just sent this to you miss."

River took it grudgingly. It would be her mother, sending another hundred college brochures. She tore open the package.

It was a strange looking bracelet. No, not a bracelet, though she could certainly tell that it was supposed to wrap around her wrist. She studied it for a moment, then looked back at the package. A letter was sitting there. An ordinary letter maybe, but it had about a hundred stamps on it. With a grin that was bigger that one she'd possibly ever worn before, she opened the envelope.

It read:

_River darling,_

_I was wondering if you'd like to come visit me. It would be jolly good of you, and the sooner the better. This is called a vortex manipulator. It's basically a cheat of the TARDIS. The coordinates are preset. Just put on the bracelet and press the blue button and you'll be here in no time. _

_Or, you could sit in your lousy flat. Your choice._

_The Doctor_

River still felt like hitting him, but now her skin was tingling and she was more excited than she ever remembered being. Another adventure with the Doctor! Without hesitation, she whipped on the bracelet and pressed the blue button.

Instantly the world turned upside down and then she was in a metal room. Her head was swimming, but that calmed within a few moments. When it stopped, she realized she was in a cell.

"River. So glad you could make it." She turned on the spot to find the Doctor sitting on a bench in the cell.

His hands were in handcuffs.

"What are you doing?" She asked, putting her hands on her hips. This wasn't some kind of roleplay…?

"I'm handcuffed. Would you mind helping me?"

Now River was annoyed. "So you didn't call because you missed me, you called because you needed help. So typical Doctor."

"Actually, I haven't sent you anything. A future me must have done it." He looked frustratingly pleased with himself. "And I'll be happy to go and send you the note or whatever that made you come here, but in order to do that I need you to get these things off." He held out his hands.

River cocked an eyebrow. "I'm not just going to help you out with nothing in return."

All the hope vanished from the Doctor's face. He let his arms fall to his legs and looked down. "What do you want?"

"I want a guarantee that you won't leave me stranded for three months to do nothing but sit around waiting for you! She yelled, incredibly annoyed.

He looked up. "I promise I won't River. It'll be two months at the most, I swear." He grinned. She shook her head, trying so hard to fight her returning grin but failing. There was always just something about the damn Doctor that made smiling irresistible.

She moved forward, then seemed to think of something. "Wait a minute, how did future you know that I was just sitting in my flat when I got your letter?"

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Please River. You just _told_ me. Now get me out of these handcuffs. If you ask any more stupid questions I might just leave you in your lousy flat."

"You're impossible."

"Yeah well, I'm an impossible man with a box."

"If you let it go to your head I'll just have to take it away from you."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me."


	6. Chapter 6

A Desert Memory

"Have you ever thought of remodeling?" River asked, leaning against the rough side of the familiar police box.

The Doctor looked like he'd just been slapped by a harmless old lady. "Remodeling?" He asked, aghast.

"Yeah, or maybe painting it a different color." She turned her face away quickly, then decided moving away was safer. She went to the front, careful to keep her face turned from him. Couldn't have him seeing her grin before she'd had her fun.

"You want me… to repaint…_the Tardis? _ARE YOU MAD?"

"You're the one always telling me you're mad. Why can't I be mad?"

"But," he spluttered. She could see in the corner of her eye that he was waving his hands around sporadically. She forced down a laugh and continued to study the Tardis. "But it's the _Tardis! THE TARDIS!_ You can't just…remodel the Tardis! That's like…that's just ridiculous!"

"Oh," she said, inwardly cursing herself for the tremor of laughter in her voice. Luckily, he didn't seem to notice. "I just thought it might be fun. That way we can take a break from all that horrible saving the world and all that and just spend a nice fun day painting the Tardis. _Ooh! I know! How about we paint her pink? I think she'd look beautiful in pink. _Blue is a boy's color after all."

There was a pause then the Doctor grabbed her shoulders and turned her around to face him. She turned compliantly, wiling her face to remain stone. But one look at his expression and she burst out laughed, hitting her forehead on his as she violently bent forward in her laughter. He stumbled back, looking annoyed and rubbing his forehead.

"That was _not_ a funny joke."

"Oh it _so _was! I would never change the Tardis, you should know that!" She leaned back against the Tardis, stroking her with one hand. "I would never change her, she's perfect just like this," she told her lovingly. She turned to see the Doctor leaning against her also, his arms crossed and a pouting expression on his face. She raised an eyebrow. When he didn't change, she put on her best puppy-dog face and batted her eyelids.

"Alright fine. You love the Tardis. But you shouldn't joke like that." He swerved and placed his ear against her, resting his hands carefully on her painted frame. "She doesn't like-" he glanced at River for a second. "_Paint jokes,_" he whispered. He stroked her once, then turned back around to lean on her again. River rested his head on her shoulder.

He nudged her head, but it wasn't hard, so she took that as an invitation to keep her head right where it is. Then, because she was feeling playful, she wrapped her arms around him. He pulled her toward him and wrapped his arms around her, moving her head to rest on her chest. They looked out at the desert.

After several quiet and peaceful moments, she looked up at him. "Why are we here anyway? I don't see any aliens."

He stared out at the horizon for several moments before answering. "You see the horizon," he said, pointed. She nodded against his chest. "Right past that is a lake. A beautiful lake. I…it's a fond memory of mine. I just wanted to spend a few minutes remembering, that's all."

"You have fond memories of a desert?" She hesitated, then pushed on. "Was I there?"

The Doctor looked down at her solemnly. "Yes," he replied finally.

She gave a sigh of relief. She would see him at least one more time. She was always wondering that, every time they met. Would this be the last? Would she never see him again? What would happen? Would the next be the last? Second last? There were too many questions and she didn't want them answered, not just yet.

Really she didn't want to know. She wasn't even sure she'd want to know when she finally got to the last time. If there was life after the last time, how could she live it, knowing she would never see him again? How could she stand it, knowing he was out there having adventures at that very moment but he didn't know she existed?

"What'd we do?" She asked finally. He was in one of his quiet moods, and she wasn't sure she liked it. He still had more memories than she (she'd seen that blue diary positively filled with writing, almost to the end) and she wasn't sure what they were doing.

Was this their romance? She'd always vaguely imagined the middle, where they'd both known each other the same amount, were in love the same amount, where they would have a passionate romance, or at least as best as too people who rarely had the same memories of the other. But so far it hadn't happened. Would they ever have it? Or would it just be too hard, when one of them was always keeping secrets from the other?

It was fun, knowing that there was this elusive future of the Doctor in front of her. But it probably wasn't fun for him. It had taken her three adventures with the Doctor before she realized that in all likelihood, her first meeting with the Doctor was his last. And she hated that, she hated that his last memory of her would be one that didn't knew him and wasn't in love with him. Because now, now that she- well maybe, she still really wasn't sure yet- did love him, she wanted that for him.

She wanted his last memory of her to be her saying goodbye. She wanted to see him, just once, when they'd both lived out almost all their adventures, could share their diaries- finally- and just be in love and be together and be relatively normal for one minute.

"We had a picnic," he told her quietly, still looking at the horizon. "We were with a couple of…friends. It was beautiful."

She looked back out at it. He was sad, she realized. He knew that his time with her was coming to an end soon, that he was losing her. He normally hid it, but now she could see that he did show it sometimes. He showed the sadness to the woman he loved. It was good. It was good that she saw that, because now she knew that she had to make all the rest of their times together perfect to make up for the fact that eventually, it had to end. And they wouldn't end together. Not perfect and in love and whole. They'd end with one of them strangers.

She gasped quietly. She hadn't thought-but how could she not realize! She would have the same ending. One day, she would meet the Doctor for his first time. And she would weep. Someday, it would come to an end, and her Doctor, her wonderful, amazing Doctor, wouldn't be able to comfort her. He would look at her funny and be awkward around her, as she was their first adventure.

She snuggled closer to him, seeking warmth. "It sounds nice. Perfect." He pulled her tighter to him. He kissed her forehead.

"It was."

She felt a tear streak down her face. He must be in so much pain. Because if he loved her half as much as she thought her did, she would be crying at the thought of losing her. She was crying just for the distant future when she would lose him. How could he stand it, knowing it was the end? Why didn't he want to scream, realizing that their time was almost gone?

"Hey," she said quietly, looking up at him. His gaze met hers. "You're pretty great, you know that right?" She told him with a small smile. He smiled back, but it was a sad smile. She couldn't bring herself to say it, not those three words. She didn't know when the first time he said it-or if he ever said it, the Doctor was funny that way- but she wanted to say it.

Why couldn't she say it? She felt it, she should say it. The Doctor may not feel it, or want her to say it, but it was how she felt, and she wanted him to know that. "Doctor-"

"Yeah?"

She looked down at this shoes. "I love you," she said quietly. And when she said it, she knew it was the right time. It wasn't just because she'd realized finally that she did. It was because he needed to hear it, she could tell. She would have said it even if she hadn't meant it. Because the look on his face as he stared toward the lake…it broke her heart. Although, she thought wryly, the fact that she would say it just to make him happy probably meant that she loved him anyway. Oh well, she meant it, and she didn't want him to have to face introducing her to his world without knowing that one last time. She hoped he'd return the favor when it was her turn.

He pushed her face away from his body a little so his could see it clearly. Her arms were still around his, refusing to relinquish this amazing man. "You mean that?" He asked her quietly, searching her face for hesitation. She nodded, giving a tiny smile.

He grinned. He pulled her forcefully against his chest, kissing her cheek and then her forehead with remarkable contortion of his neck and head. She smiled and closed her eyes, listening to his hearts. She wanted him to say it, but at this point, his grin and kisses were enough. Anything he did was enough.

"I do too," he whispered, not looking at her. She watched his face, willing him to look down. He seemed to be avoiding her gaze. When he did look down, he bit his lip adorably then added, "love you I mean."

She squeezed him tight around the middle. "Good luck with me, in your future I mean. I'm sure you'll have fun." I closed my eyes again, then whispered, "I'm sorry you're end of our adventures almost out."

"It's alright," he replied with a slightly trembling voice. "I had a blast."

"Good, cause I'm just getting started."

He kissed her forehead. "Don't worry, Melody, it'll be the adventure of a lifetime. Just wait and see."

"Don't worry, it already has been. Sweetie."

* * *

><p>AN: So sorry for the long wait. I have a boatload of excuses but oh well. Please forgive me. :D Anyway, I hope you like it. It's a bit melancholy because of Deathly Hallows. It had gotten me into a mood. Anyway, enjoy :D


	7. Chapter 7

Something else

He found her slumped over in a corner, hands over her head, knees up and back to the wall of her flat. He immediately ran to her, putting an arm on her shoulder. She shoved it off. So she was alive at least.

What," she said from behind her arms, "am I supposed to do with my life?"

"Err…what?" the Doctor replied, thrown off by her question.

"What am I supposed to do with my life?"

"Umm…live it?"

She put down her arms, and the Doctor's eyes met red eyes, puffy from crying. "I can't wait my whole life for you, Doctor, but that's what I've been doing since you picked me up! All of my time not spent with you I've spent thinking about our adventures, and waiting for the next one. I do _nothing. _I haven't been on a date in over a year, my parents think I'm dead for all the time I talk to them, and I have no friends anymore!

"I-my parents act like its okay, like they _know_ what it feels like, but they don't and I can't stand them not knowing about you! It's like you're this imaginary friend that I'm keeping secret. Why should I keep you a secret? It's not as though we're doing anything I should be ashamed of, so why not?" She looked up at him angrily, already opening her mouth again to rant further.

"Maybe you should."

"I-what?" River asked, her confusion clouding her anger.

"Maybe…you should tell them. I think they'll understand more than you know." The Doctor grinned despite himself, and River narrowed her eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked, crossing her arms.

He slid down next to her. "It's _supposed_ to mean that they're your parents, and they'll understand. Then you won't have to hide it any longer." Well, it _is_ the truth. River didn't need to know the complete truth. Not yet.

"Yeah, but I still need _something_ else in my life besides you!"

"Umm, River, what's really bothering?"

There was a moments hesitation before she said, "Doctor, we won't know each other our whole lives. You certainly don't know me all of yours."

"No…"

"And I don't know you all of mine, because you're ageless, and I know that you will get tired of me after I'm old and gray."

"River," he began, staring at her with a kind smile, "that's not-"

"It is true! Because you told me that you've traveled with many, many people, and there's no way that you let them live out their lives on your ship. I'm sure _they _didn't want to live their lives on your ship."

"What's that supposed to-"

"This is a fairy tale, Doctor. And, at some point, you have to stop running. We humans know that because we get older, and our bodies scream at us that we have to stop. We have to be normal, stupid humans who wear matching jogging suits and sit in rockers. But you, you of eternal youth, will not know that for a _long_ time. And I think it scares you to see us older. Because you know, even if its thousands of years down your timeline, that you'll grow old too. You'll grow too tired to carry on in this mess of a world. We all do. Your body won't tell you, but you'll grow tired. And that scares you, and so you won't keep us forever, because you can't stand knowing that someday it'll all end."

"I don't just view my life as one big adventure, River, its-"

"But you do!" She said forcefully, sitting up and taking his hand. "You get sad, impossibly sad, in a way I'll never have to experience, but you also are so, so happy! You run around like a five year old half the time! You love every minute of it, even the horrible bits, because without those you'd never have amazing bits. And you don't want your adventure to end. You don't even want to regenerate. You don't like change, for all you bring it about in other peoples' lives."

"I…" for once, the Doctor was loss for words.

"And so, you'll leave me, and then what? Or, am I supposed to sit around for forty years waiting for the doctor that'll never come? Knowing you, you'll drop me off from an adventure, say you'll be right back and show up when I'm fifty, and it's too late to do anything. So I have to make plans. Because you aren't always there for me Doctor," she told him solemnly, a slight tremor in her voice. "You've failed me before, and you'll fail me again, because you have a whole universe to look after, not just me. And no matter what we feel for each other, it'll have to end sometime."

The Doctor put his hand to River's cheek, tears running down his face. "When did you begin to think so old, River? Just last week you were laughing over the jelly planet, and I-"

"I became old because you are," River replied, a tear also streaking down her face. "This is going to end, Doctor, because all things must. You'll be gone and I'll be alone. And some day, you won't come back. You _won't_ take me on adventures me. And I'll be left with nothing."

The Doctor kissed her on the forehead. "River, I won't fail you. I promise, I won't."

"I forgot," River said, laughing humorlessly. "You've already seen my death. How can you go through this Doctor? How can you put me through all this, put _yourself_ through this, just to know that it's going to end. You know the ending; you know there will be an ending. You've seen it; I can see it in your eyes." The Doctor looked down, running his hand under his eyes. "It's okay Doctor," she said, her voice breaking. "It's okay Doctor, because if you've seen my death, that means-" She put her hand on his cheek, tears blurring her vision as she stared into his eyes. "That means that I'll be traveling with you my entire life. And that's all I've ever wanted." She said, her voice trembling as the sobs enveloped her.

The Doctor pulled her into her arms roughly, letting her head rest against his shoulder as he rocked her back and forth, kissing her forehead. "River, River." He said her name over and over, rocking her back and forth until she stopped crying. "You're right, I am getting old. I should stop denying it. And River, I-I won't always be there for you. And you should have a life outside of me. You should have friends, even if it's hard to keep them. And you should stay in touch with your parents."

"But Doctor," she said, her voice still a little unsteady. "All I've ever wanted is you. I want to keep traveling with you. I love my parents, and I don't want to lose them, but… you're the most important thing to me." She shook her head, looking away. "I sound like a horrible person, picking you over them."

"No River," the Doctor replied, shaking his head. "River, I- I'm going to change. Someday, I'm not going to have this face, and someday, I might love another person. I have loved others. It's part of the curse. It's a big adventure until you have to leave behind those you love."

River sat up, staring at him. "Those you love?"

The Doctor nodded, smiling. "I love you River."

She grinned. "I love you too, Doctor."

Then, almost to himself he added, "I won't make the same mistake twice. I won't stop myself from saying it because I think it'll hurt you less. Because it hurts more, doesn't it. It hurts more not to hear me say it."

River nodded. "If you'd never said it to me, it would have hurt a lot more to lose you."

"But you haven't lost me yet," the Doctor said, holding her tight. "You've still got me for a little while more. And you'll have so, so much _fun_ River. I swear it."

"I know," she said with a smile. "But Doctor, as much as I love you, there's going to have to be a life outside of you. I need to do _something_ else. I've been thinking of going to University on Mars. I think I might study archeology. It'll be slow going, obviously, since it'll be punctuated with adventures with you. But still, I want to do it. I need a career as well as a bit of adventure. "

The Doctor laughed then, a true laugh, but one tinged with sorrow for memories long gone. "A bit of adventure?" He grinned, but then turned more serious. "You should River," he told her with a sad smile. He took her hand. "I bet you'll be brilliant."

She leaned her head against his, staring at the Tardis blue of her walls. They stayed like that for a few moments, clasped hands and heads together.

"I'm sorry I couldn't always protect you, River. Be there for you. I've got a lot of regrets, but that's, that's always been a big one."

This time, she kissed him on the forehead. "It's alright Doctor, I forgive you. The universe is more important than little old me."

He smiled and kissed her on the lips this time, short and sweet. "I don't think so, River. I've never thought so. But I have to save them too."

"I know," she told him, her tone reassuring. "I know Doctor. It's one of the things that I love most about you. Because above all, you're just _kind_."

"This story won't have a happy ending you know," he told her. They locked eyes. "You can stop now, if you want. Time can be changed."

"I wouldn't change it for anything Doctor," she told him, kissing him again. "I may cry and whine a bit more about it, but know this: I wouldn't give this up for anything."

"Neither would I."

* * *

><p>An: So we all know what a fan I am of the nice, settling endings (I'd call it dramatic, but that's not exactly what they are. They're just really peaceful, and I'm not sure... I'm usually good at finding a word for these types of things but oh well) :D But I'm not sure if I like this chapter. It's a bit...scattered. But that's how normal conversations go, so it's okay that its like that. I don't know. Any thoughts?

Also, I am in need of a beta for this fic/ any Doctor Who fics I do in the future. Preferably you have experience in beta-ing/ writing fics. It's mainly for continuity checks, but also for grammar, because I'm sure there have been many stupid spelling errors that I missed. So yeah, PM me if you're interested. I'm not going to guarantee that if you ask you'll be it, but I will consider anyone I get.

So yes, as usual, review, because I know I have a lot more readers that reviewers, but I have no idea what you think of the story, so please, tell me! You can PM me about it if you don't want other people to see your review, although I don't know why you wouldn't. So yes, review. I hate asking, but I do want feedback!

Sorry for the incredibly boring/ lengthy author's note :D Enjoy your week everyone!


End file.
